The Hurt Inside
by Frau Welt
Summary: Hermione is all grown up and ready to begin her life or does she want to ....end it?....R


**The Hurt Inside**

Hermione walked up to the glass panes. She stared through the glass panes and into the cold misty night outside, but not really seeing it at all. She wiped her hand against the panes clearing away the mist that had gathered with a swift motion of her hand.

Hermione opened the windows. She gasped as the cold air hit her squarely on her face, sending icicles through her blood. The entire Hogwarts was sleeping while she, Hermione Granger, Head girl and supposedly the strongest girl of them all, was standing at the top Hermione could see the small specks of light glistening against the night sky, wavering only slightly. She stood there, dazed.

Soon her worries engulfed her. Those few emotions she had bundled along for so long seemed to want to burst out. Tears pushed their way as she squeezed her eyes shut to stop them from pouring out. She did not know for how long she could stop the tears. She knew it was inevitable.

Those years when she had held her hopes high, hoping for a change in the way these people regarded her would change had passed by seamlessly and she still was here misunderstood and never accepted.

She traced her fingers, sliding slowly over the cool glass panes as her mind entered a world she yearned to leave behind. Her head hurt and she could hear tiny voices forcing entry through her head.

Year one…

She had entered young, naïve and all the foolishness of an eleven-year old had filled her mind. She had been filled with fantasies of the kind of teenager she might grow up into.

That was when she met Harry and Ron. They had offered her the emotional support she had needed. She had felt unstable. A muggle-born, she had need all these to face up to the many insults thrown at her.

They had hurt of course! Everytime insults were hurled at her from everyone she met, they pierced through her pride and dignity, leaving an indelible mark. She had bled internally, spent days crying on her bed and to punish all these people, she buried herself in books.

They were her only comfort. She spent nights swallowing books whole and beat every single one of them.

Year two…

By now, she had been deemed as a nerd. If she had not been part of the Golden Trio, she had no idea what would have happened to her. She would probably been squashed aginst those heavy insults and been condemned all her life.

However, she had her time too. The great basilisk had reared its huge fangs at the school population and although even Dumbledore himself had not managed to solve the mystery, she had.

Looking back at it now, Hermione could still feel the injustice of it all. Even if it had been Harry and Ron had been the ones who had entered the chamber, was it not her who had figured out the puzzle and laid the foundation to Harry's perilous, yet successful adventure?

But no, she had no part in his fame! She had to be shunned while he basked in the glory of her work!

Year three…

It seemed the year before had some benefits and Hermione's intelligence was accepted and viewed in awe upon.

She seemed to be able to walk in pride, but it was only while she was under the façade as part of the Golden Trio. She realized this painfully when she had fought with Ron. Harry had stayed behind with Ron and had left her to experience the pain of loneliness.

By the time the year was over, she was worn like a fraying piece of rag cloth.

Year four…

She was no longer the Hermione she had been. She entered the school, a grown lady entering the school to be accepted, taking into account all her glamour. The very hormones that raged in her other schoolmates also raged in her.

While trying to subdue these feelings and overcoming the bickering Ron always inflicted upon her, Hermione was almost defeated when her handsome prince came in his shining armor. The Yule ball came. She expected eagerly for a boy to invite her.

Her eyes widened in the prospect of a final date. However, disappointment had always been her best friend and she got none. Watching Harry and Ron talk worriedly about being dateless, she had tried to act as if the prospect of not having a date had jot bothered her at all.

However, it did not last long. She remembered the painful memories of lying in her bed, tears rolling gently down her cheeks and landing in fat splotches on her bedsheets as she contemplated whether she would get a date or would she end up dateless with everyone laughing at her.

That was when Krum came. He found the woman in her and he like it. He proposed to her and she accepted. He had showered her with love, flattering her almost every second and pampering her with as much goodies as a guy could.

But the problems never ceased in her life. Ron grew jealous. "It was fine that he did not like her, but to stop another too?" Hermione bitterly wondered.

She was finally experiencing some color in her life. She could not pretend that she lived for those moments when she could feel his strong arms around her waist and his wet lips pressing against hers, his tongue clashing furiously with hers.

She relished their every kiss, but Krum was not satisfied yet. He wanted more and she began avoiding him. It was true she was a mere teenager, but she was a teenager who was not ready for the entrance of another inside her. She refused him entrance and he grew distant.

The years went past and they mailed each other lesser and lesser. In a while, Krum had completely stopped all communication with her and again, she was lost.

Year five…

She distracted herself from Krum by overloading herself with piles of homework and rubbish. She spent hours in the library, clarifying her doubts. And when there came a time when she had cleared all her thoughts, she poked and prodded in her mind and evoked more thoughts and more reasons to rush to the library.

All this while in the library, she did not realize a particular boy staring at her from the depths, hiding among the shadows. He was like her, living up to the standards laid out by everyone else. They were similar in many ways and maybe that was what had brought them together.

Year six…

He proposed and she accepted. By now, all her innocence had vanished in a puff of smoke and she was finally ready. She almost began yearning for the day their two bodies would be pressed against each other. The night when they would declare their love for one another mutually.

That night came too. As they sat in silence, the fiery passion in them exploded and they were two souls in one body. He planted his seeds in her that night and all too soon, she became pregnant.

Days went past as he assured her that he would be there for her, but he was a death eater and he had to do what his master expected him to. He was captured. She had watched, tears sliding down her cheeks as he struggled against the dementors' strong hold.

They traced the lips she had ever so often kissed and in a moment he was hanging in their hands, limp almost dead, but not quite. She caressed her belly, regretting her rash actions, but it was too late.

She had spent days wondering and working ways to conceal the pregnancy. For months she had done it.

Hermione closed her eyes and turned to the baby lying just a bit further from her. She had wrapped it in a blanket. She had wiped off the blood. She would never be able to face it if her friends found out.

Were things meant to be this way? Or could she have changed things? Or was it the hurt inside that had made her act rashly? Afterall, she was still a woman deep down and she had every feeling that the other girls had. Underneath the nerd, there was a pure and glamorous lady waiting to be found. He had found that lady, but he had left and now, she wanted to accompany him to where destiny had brought them.

He was dead.

Hermione took one last look at the child behind her. He had the same blonde hair as his father, but he had her brown eyes. She was sure Ginny would take care of him.

Taking in a deep breath, Hermione Granger climbed on the ledge. She saw a rose beside her, withered, all its life drained out of it. "I'm coming, Draco…"she whispered and jumped.

She could feel the wind rushing past and just before she reached the ground, she wanted to redo everything, but it was too late. Hermione Granger hit the ground with a loud thud, blood splattered everywhere. The beauty was all wiped out. She was no longer the beautiful lady she had entered the school as. She was a mere corpse…that was all there was to her…

A/N: That's it! Hope you like it! Please read and review!


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